Becoming Happier With My Appearance

I KNOW, another personal post. What am I doing?!? Yeah, the New Year has kind of put me in quite a reflective mood, so I thought…I may as well.

I discussed in my 2016 recap post how I’ve started to feel more comfortable with myself, and that also includes the way I look. Although maybe it seems trivial to write about my own appearance, I have felt pretty negative about it in this past, and it’s taken a while to try and move past that. I still am! So I guess this is a part of myself. And in particular I find it difficult to sort out the things that are society or actually me. Like am I genuinely doing this for myself, or is it part of the pressure to be conventionally pretty/skinny? GAH ALL THE THINGS ARE SO MIXED UP TOGETHER.

Firstly: I cut my hair really short at the start of last year. I like it a lot this way. I tell people that I might go back to long hair, but to be honest…I don’t think I will any time soon. Getting my hair cut has given so much more confidence, and except for sometimes dying it I don’t really need to take time to style. It makes me feel cool! Sometimes I can look more ~traditionally feminine~ and sometimes I can look more ~traditionally masculine~. In general I just LIKE MY HAIR A LOT and I’m so glad that I did cut it.

The hair kind of let me start to do all the things I wanted… I was wearing makeup only on school days, just because I felt self conscious about my skin. Argh, this is difficult, but I want to be really clear here: caring about your appearance is 100% okay! Liking makeup is 100% okay, that’s cool for you! But it wasn’t something I particularly liked, and I wasn’t doing it for myself. I was doing it for other people. I still sometimes put on makeup, but not as much, and not just out of embarrassment. (Right now I’m wearing eyeliner. I’m terrible at putting it on, but it makes me feel cool and badass.) (I’m trying to worry less about what people think, and it’s hard but I AM TRYING.)

I wrote a little about gender earlier, and thanks for kind of letting me rant there — I guess this is all related. I don’t really know if I feel dysphoria, or if it’s just discomfort with the stereotypical feminine roles or whatever so many big words but I just don’t feel like wearing skirts and dresses that much anymore. (Hence I don’t often wear them.) Although it took a little persuasion *coughs* deception on my part with my parents, but I now have trousers that I wear to school instead of a skirt. It makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Usually I wear shirts or t shirts. I own SO MANY button up shorts, guys. Flannel! Office-y shirts! Really oversized bright yellow shirts! I LOVE SHIRTS. I like the way they look, and I like the way that they make me feel. Just in general…SHIRTS. Basically my favourite item of clothing, if you couldn’t tell. I live in shirts and skinny jeans.

Many people call people my age the ‘selfie generation’ or whatever. I often see things about how narcissistic we are and stuff. I’ve personally never been that comfortable taking selfies or having photos taken of me — I didn’t even have anything to take selfies with for a long time. I still don’t take them a lot but it feels really good to document the days when I’m just feeling super nice about myself or wearing a nice outfit! I like going back and looking at those. It’s fun to see me smiling as well. 🙂 I haven’t actually put any pictures here because this is more about my own feelings than my appearance, I guess, but if you do want to see my face then you can find me on my tumblr blog.

Yes! So this was actually pretty fun to do. I think being comfortable with yourself and gaining confidence is really important. It might be easier for some people than others. Although it’s taken me a while to get where I am now, I’m glad that I feel pretty okay with how I look and people’s opinions of me right now.

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Framing My Life?

Framing my life

I wear glasses. I have done since I was 3. Although I know some people do, I don’t hate them – I kinda like the way they look on my face. (Except when they slide down. But that’s mostly because of my greasy nose.)

Sometimes I do wonder, though, if I would have turned out any differently if I didn’t wear them.

Obviously, I know what glasses should not be a personality trait. They’re just a problem with my eyes. Yet I can’t help but notice that the majority of the glasses-wearers in my year at school are in my friendship group – and many of the ones who aren’t wear contacts instead. It makes me feel a little ashamed of these glasses that I really do quite like. It makes me want to throw them across the room and pick up a packet of those expensive jelly things and stuff them in my eyes as fast as I can.

Well, not really. Although I can see how contact lenses would be useful, and I’ll probably try them sometime, I don’t see them as something I would wear constantly. Glasses might be restrictive in a surprising number of way: eating spaghetti, rain, steamy bathrooms, losing them/losing things, roller coasters, taking photos (and photos of said glasses), swimming and such, but I’m used to it. I get that those are very trivial things compared to what it could be, but still. If you want to get rid of them, you gotta pay.

The things that gets me most though are the – dare I say – ‘negative’ connotations that come with these frames: nerdy, awkward, uncool etc. Unfortunately, that’s still the way that they seem to be portrayed in many fictional works, and it’s just made worse because I am. I do like reading and writing and all of that. I wouldn’t want to change myself. It’s simply that…I wonder.

What if I hadn’t been born with eyes like this? Would I still be who I am today? After all, glasses weren’t uncool in Reception. People asked to try them on a lot, with all the ‘how many fingers am I holding up?’ majazz. (By the way, never ask that. It’s bloody irritating once you pass the point of primary school, okay?)

I suppose that glasses aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. (After all, bad eyesight seems to have completely disappeared from fantasy and dystopian novels that aren’t Harry Potter.) I don’t know. I guess that it’s just that…I’d like the stigma to go. And, as ever, I’m still wondering.