I am a very jealous person. It’s my least favourite trait of mine. It comes on fairly randomly and can stop me reading a blog or being in a fandom for months. (I’m trying to get better at that. I think I am, a little. It’s disgusting.) I hate that it can make me feel so awful; so that I feel awful for feeling awful. If you know what I mean.
I try not to look too much at views and followers and likes… I do look at the topics that are most popular. And of course I love to go and read the blogs of people who follow me. But I don’t really promote my blog that much. (First of all, I’m quite embarrassed by my own self-promotion.) I tend to just use my social media as — well, social media. I’m not a big Twitter person anyway, but it’s not like my Tumblr is actually that blog-oriented either. Instead it’s full of all my fandom and writing and visual edits stuff. I talk to people not necessarily about books and blog things. I might talk about Hamilton and social justice and my displeasure at the English syllabus instead. (Not that I don’t necessarily talk about these on the blog instead. Because I absolutely do.)
It’s weird to see how assuming a different writing style feels like slipping on another identity. The more I feel talking to you, the more I’ll abandon spelling and grammar to the depths of my brain. There is blog-me, blog-comments-me, lower-caps-with-capitalised-I-me, all-lower-caps-internet-slang-me. It’s just like how I speak to people! (I totally speak in different ways to different people. Irritating acquaintances get monotone sarcasm, for instance.)
I’m sure many of use read the ‘you need to find a niche’ tip for new bloggers. I went through an INSANE period of blogging research where I found all these useless things. To be honest, I think it’s just easier to practice rather than all of that. I always say that, though, and I’m still a crazy researcher.
I should probably make myself more of a niche. I don’t feel like my writing style is individual enough for that to be a connecting theme? It changes all the time; recently I have caught myself using a ridiculous amount of ellipses. I just want to write ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, because I am an indecisive person and also I am a person with changing interests. Objectively, I do realise it would be more efficient to focus on one thing and then another. But I have so many directions I want to spread myself in. And I am just disorganised. I want to blog AND write books AND write poetry AND record podfic AND play the clarinet AND sing AND make cosplays AND learn languages. (Phew. That was a lot of ands.) I’m not very good at any of those things — but I still enjoy them enormously, and hopefully that counts at least for a little bit. I’m still building them up slowly.
I can’t be completely sure how my blog comes across. I do write some sensible and structured posts. But very often I will just sit down and randomly wail about things. There are super blogs with all kinds of styles! But I know I could never completely rely on spontaneous blogging about my life. I would be TERRIBLE. My life just isn’t very interesting. I know I could never be a completely writing or books blog, because a) I am quite frankly a terribly inconsistent writer and b) I have an intense dislike of writing book reviews. I just…I CAN’T. I have too many things I want to talk about.
Yes. I suppose what I am trying to say is: I AM DIVERGENT. I cannot be contained. My blog has changed and will probably change and that is absolutely okay. I have a lot of different interests that are all fighting for my time, which is both silly and exhilarating. Also, I am a jealous little special snowflake who needs to not spend all her time thinking about success. hi