I Am a Person Too

Sometimes, I forget that people can be horrible. People are horrible, all the time and in many different places, but as these things go: I am lucky.

But I am also not an iron man. I am not an android sitting at my computer and typing. (OR AM I now that would be a plot twist.) I, too, have feelings! And, like, it is definitely going to upset me if you tell me that I am not valid as a person. It is definitely going to upset me to hear you say that you support equality but only for some people because we are definitely still running on the logic of Animal Farm, peoples.

I am probably going to 100% regret writing this. I prefer not to start arguments that aren’t just ‘you pronounced scone wrong who are you’… But this has also been stewing inside me for too long. And I don’t really know what to do with it.

Did you guys ever have that phase where everyone would say ‘no offense, but…’ and then insert something super offensive? For some reason, that was such a thing for our little ten-year-old selves, because obviously putting ‘no offense’ in front of a criticism makes it All Okay. Obviously.

Detaching yourself from something offensive doesn’t make it acceptable. You can’t just put a disclaimer at the bottom like ‘Whoops, sorry if I made you cry and lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour but it’s totally not my fault!’ I get that sometimes people don’t mean to hurt others; accidents happen. But if you’re sitting at a keyboard, you have a lot of time to consider what you’re saying. I mean, often that’s what I like about it, because yay, I can sort out my grammar and find the exact right gif for this exact moment! Hurrah! The consequences are that your excuses for being mean are not terribly convincing.

I accept that I’m not going to change everyone’s opinion. It just bemuses me that people can claim they support equality and want to help you with your anxiety and depression yet also say things that hurt very very deeply. Literally no one is going to feel good if you call them unnatural. No one is going to feel good if you tell them that their body is ugly and it is all their fault. You are not blameless because you prefixed your words with ‘no offense’.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes… I know they happen. I just wish that sometimes people would — think. Words can stay rattling in your brain for so bloody long. What was a careless comment can echo off and become so much more, even if it doesn’t feel so bad right in that moment.

God, I wish I could walk away from this. It just feels like all the little things are mounting up inside me and I don’t know what to do with them. I thought for a long time that I should just leave this post alone… But I’ve been writing variations of it for so long. 9I can point them out in my drafts for you, and they’re not very pretty. It’s mostly: I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!) All of those festering feelings were triggered and now they’re spilling out of me in a horrible mess of words that interfere with my blogging schedule.

But I need to get these things out. I deserve equality as much as everyone else. I’m a person too.

25 thoughts on “I Am a Person Too

  1. I completely agree with everything that you said here! The whole “no offence, but…” and “I’m not racist/sexist, but…” thing both angers and confuses me. Like, since when does saying that make someone’s words any less offensive?!

    Also, if you ever want to rant/ chat, I’m up for it! Don’t be afraid of little old me! xxxx

    1. I keep trying to find a way to say ‘HOW IS THIS LOGICAL LIKE THIS LITERALLY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE’ without…um, saying it quite like that. *sighs* idk, I’ve done it too, though.
      Oh, thank you so much! This post kinda was my release of those emotions, I guess, but I really appreciate it. 🙂

      1. Id say just say it like that because that is probably how I’d put it!
        And it was still a good post, don’t try and put yourself down xx

  2. Are you okay – what happened? Did someone say something to you? Bastards! But seriously, everyone deserves equality. That’s why it’s called equality. Get these feelings out – it helps, trust me on that.

    1. We kinda talked about this on Twitter, but I am feeling much better after this. 🙂 Thanks so much for talking to me — yeah, writing it out is so therapeutic for me. Sometimes I don’t want to actually, like, talk to anyone per se, but it needs to get out somehow.

      1. Exactly. And now I understand what it was about, I think writing it out WAS the best way to talk about it.

  3. Getting them out. I am so, so, glad you decide to get them out, because I know what you mean. If you don’t, the metaphor is very literal in the sense – you explode. I feel you on so many levels, because people have no idea sometimes, on how much their words mean. I mean, sure I might have some snarky/witty remark as a response, that won’t make up for the fact that your words bounce around in my head for the rest of the day.

    That won’t explain the fact that I feel like worthless the rest of the day. That won’t explain that okay fine, I messed up something. But I KNOW I messed it up. And there’s no need for some person to point it out, and prefix it with “no offense”. That. does. not. make. it. okay. AT ALL. Same goes for mean things. Why do people get pleasure out of being that way? I don’t get humans sometimes. I don’t get the fact that they don’t realize that you’re human too.

    P.S If you want to rant, message me on Twitter? I’ll be glad to be there for you 🙂 Sometimes even if though it feels like it won’t, getting it all out helps. And ‘m glad you did just that in this post.

    1. I’m honestly so glad too — yes, I totally understand what you mean about exploding. I think everything can just keep building up and up, and you need get it out sometimes.
      Ughh, I’m so sorry. You’re the nicest person ever and it slightly makes me lose faith in humanity that people say offensive things and think that it’s okay? I do not understand this. :/
      *hugs* Thanks so much – I really appreciate that, and having someone there to talk to. (And same goes if you want to rant to me. I mean, I kind of go through phases of this, so.)

  4. *sends you hugs and takeout* This is the most important. Disclaimers and such are necessary in some cases, but it’s not a free pass for doing whatever you like. Same goes for defending yourself with “freedom of speech”, too. That might be a basic right, but y’know what else is basic? Respect for other people.

    PS: It sounds like you’re feeling down, so I hope this semi-relevant joke will help cheer you up: http://i.imgur.com/RtanNqf.jpg

    1. *thanks profusely for hugs and takeout*
      Yep, what you said is really what I was trying to express — I guess, to just be mindful of other people and the repercussions of your actions.
      Ahaha, thank you so much! (It’s making me nostalgic for pre-update Tumblr, argh.)

  5. First of all, good for you! You clearly put your heart and soul into this post which we all need to do from time to time. Pat yourself on the back!

    I think the main problem with “hate” is that 50% of people have no idea what their doing. A lot of the aforementioned “no offence” commenter fall under this category. There’s no right way to deal with this, so find what works for you. I often find talking to a good friend helps. Chances are they will have had a similar experience and you can work through it together 🙂

    1. Thank you! Writing is definitely my release, yep. *nods*
      I know that a lot of the comments which were bothering me weren’t at all meant to harm. Yeah, I think talking and getting it out works really well for me! 🙂

  6. I’m glad you got your feelings out. Bottling things up can hurt your insides.
    Sometimes people just forget or don’t realise that what they’re saying hurt others; in these situations it’s not your fault, it’s just people being horrible. Maybe next time, when people are being mean, try to tell them. Tell them that you don’t like it and that they’re making you feel bad. Sometimes it’s just people not realising it, but if they mean to upset you, then they’re not worth spending your time on.

    1. Yep, for sure. >.<
      I do think that I need to work on telling people more, if they've hurt me — I usually just want to step back and let it go. But not saying something because I think it will hurt the person, when it's already hurt me, seems a little stupid. I'm not sure, haha.
      But thank you so much — I'm really go to try and do this in the future. I think it would help me a lot.

  7. Aww I’m happy you wrote this post because what you said def needed to be said and told to people more often. I totally agree; the “no offense but…” and “I’m not a racist but…” phrases are so horrible. Like you’re still being offensive/racist, “disclaiming” it doesn’t make what you said any less bad and people def need to think before they speak/write. Also, if you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I’m here for you 🙂

    1. Yeah, I think it definitely applies to all sorts of issues, including racism. (I’ve just realised that I used primary school as a metaphor for that, ahaha.)
      I mean, for me it was more triggered by comments about being LGBTQ+ — I totally understand that you didn’t mean to cause any harm, but as someone who does identify under that it wasn’t pleasant to read you think I’m unnatural and not worthy of feminism

      1. oh. I’m sorry and I’m thankful you know I didn’t mean any harm and I’m sorry for the way my words were used and said. It’s just in my religion (and this may sound a bit harsh but I don’t really mean it to again) LGBTQ is wrong. I know that’s not what you want to hear from me but I follow my religion and not all of society’s beliefs. I have many friends who are LGBTQ and the one person who I’ve told my beliefs and I understand that I’ll support them in everything but the LGBTQ. So I guess what I’m saying is I’m sorry my words hurt you and I’m hoping we can still be friends and I’ll still support you like my friend. I’m sorry again.

      2. I’d really like to still to be friends — you’re a lovely person, and I understand those are your religious beliefs. I don’t want to force my opinion on you. 🙂

      3. Oh yay! Aww thank you! Same here! I’m not going to preach my beliefs and force them on anyone but if asked or I feel like it’s needed, I will say them. So basically, same here lol ❤ ❤

  8. I don’t even know how to write down my feelings towards this post! Just know that I 100% agree with you and if you ever want to talk I’m here for you ❤ (or on Twitter 🙂 ) I don't get why people would think saying 'no offense' would make their words less offensive? If you feel the need to say 'no offense' or 'I'm not racist, but' it means you know that your words are offensive and racist!

  9. Oh goodness Eve I completely missed this post! I think WordPress might have accidentally stopped me from following you because I seem to have missed a lot of your posts??? But anyhow.
    THIS POST IS SO IMPORTANT. “No offense” was probably originally used to try to not hurt people… but it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. And maybe sometimes, like you said, people try to use in that way, but then, really, if you’ve hurt people or not, people might not want to share things with you. I wouldn’t want to tell someone something important if I knew they were going to pull the “no offense, but” on me.
    And I think that a lot of it, based off of what you mentioned, might be simple misinformation. (I’m not trying to prove what you said wrong, I’m referring to when people in general say things like that, because obviously you were hurt very deeply by something people said and I don’t know the whole story [but if you do want to ever talk/rant, you can email me <3], but I'm just mentioning how sometimes I've said things because I'm misinformed, but I'm not trying to thrust that upon your situation if that makes sense?) Like, I know people who've said some awful things simply because they don't know better, and that just sucks too.
    But you are most definitely a person too, Eve, you are a fabulous and amazing person who blogs astoundingly and uses her words for good. You and your blog make me happy, and it makes me sad and angry that somebody has hurt you this much that you feel this way. And it really sucks that sometimes people just say without thinking, without a filter, and then they don’t even realize that what they’ve said hurts. A lot. That’s just awful.
    Tons of hugs for you, my friend!

    1. So, I’m really sorry this is such a late reply. NaNo & school have been pretty hectic, and I kind of wanted to write a decent reply?? And WordPress seems to be doing that for me too, idk, so don’t worry.
      Yes, I think it can be used in a positive way? Or was originally intended to, even if it most of the time it doesn’t mean that anymore. I’m pretty glad that the phase when it was cool at school is mostly over now. I’m just sort of…mad at excuses anyway.
      For when I was writing this post, what brought it on wasn’t intended to have this effect… I think that some of the things I wrote here weren’t relevant to that incident? I was really only experiencing a really, really, small part of a general trend, and I was more mad at the world than at, like, the actual person. (And it’s cool, I don’t mind you saying that – like, I think misinformation was definitely part of it. And hopefully in the future, instead of holding it in and/or writing a long raging post, I can actually educate some people! I just. *sighs* I’m surrounded by really positive lovely people like you, so I guess it’s a bit of a shock.)
      Seriously, I appreciate your comment so much. ❤ *hugs*

      1. *hugs back* I think that every now and then we really do need to get a rant out of our system, even if we don’t know what exactly we’re mad at. But I think for writing a slightly-rant-y post you did it the right way- you didn’t mention certain people, and you didn’t say things that I think you would regret. Anyways, I hope they’ve been straightened out in their potential inaccuracy and that all is going well! ❤
        (How's NaNo doing, btw?)

      2. (*cries* omg this is so late agaaain)
        Yeah, we still disagree but we’ve agreed to respect each other’s opinions now, so it’s good. 🙂
        NaNo is…okay? I guess? This is going to need so much editing haha. Everything is all over the place, but I AM WRITING SOMETHING at least!

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