Sometimes, I forget that people can be horrible. People are horrible, all the time and in many different places, but as these things go: I am lucky.
But I am also not an iron man. I am not an android sitting at my computer and typing. (
OR AM I now that would be a plot twist.) I, too, have feelings! And, like, it is definitely going to upset me if you tell me that I am not valid as a person. It is definitely going to upset me to hear you say that you support equality but only for some people because we are definitely still running on the logic of Animal Farm, peoples.
I am probably going to 100% regret writing this. I prefer not to start arguments that aren’t just ‘you pronounced scone wrong who are you’… But this has also been stewing inside me for too long. And I don’t really know what to do with it.
Did you guys ever have that phase where everyone would say ‘no offense, but…’ and then insert something super offensive? For some reason, that was such a thing for our little ten-year-old selves, because obviously putting ‘no offense’ in front of a criticism makes it All Okay. Obviously.
Detaching yourself from something offensive doesn’t make it acceptable. You can’t just put a disclaimer at the bottom like ‘Whoops, sorry if I made you cry and lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour but it’s totally not my fault!’ I get that sometimes people don’t mean to hurt others; accidents happen. But if you’re sitting at a keyboard, you have a lot of time to consider what you’re saying. I mean, often that’s what I like about it, because yay, I can sort out my grammar and find the exact right gif for this exact moment! Hurrah! The consequences are that your excuses for being mean are not terribly convincing.
I accept that I’m not going to change everyone’s opinion. It just bemuses me that people can claim they support equality and want to help you with your anxiety and depression yet also say things that hurt very very deeply. Literally no one is going to feel good if you call them unnatural. No one is going to feel good if you tell them that their body is ugly and it is all their fault. You are not blameless because you prefixed your words with ‘no offense’.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes… I know they happen. I just wish that sometimes people would — think. Words can stay rattling in your brain for so bloody long. What was a careless comment can echo off and become so much more, even if it doesn’t feel so bad right in that moment.
God, I wish I could walk away from this. It just feels like all the little things are mounting up inside me and I don’t know what to do with them. I thought for a long time that I should just leave this post alone… But I’ve been writing variations of it for so long. 9I can point them out in my drafts for you, and they’re not very pretty. It’s mostly: I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!) All of those festering feelings were triggered and now they’re spilling out of me in a horrible mess of words that interfere with my blogging schedule.
But I need to get these things out. I deserve equality as much as everyone else. I’m a person too.