Passing Time in a Dark Place [writing]

Today, I feel like writing. This is loosely based off that other short story that I posted, entitled The After. It goes along the same theme: you can only see with your eyes shut. I like this theme. It’s cool. If you have anything to say about it, then shoot me a comment-slash-email.
Anyway, I’ll probably end up editing this loads later but I’ll write for the moment. Today, I feel like writing.
It’s by no means perfect, but I hope you enjoy anyhow.
Passing Time in a Dark Place

The darkness covers me in its cloak. It consumes everything like a beast. It tracks down the light and kills it.
I don’t really notice this. It just looks like black the whole time to me.
This is one of the things that I know: I am a complete person physically. I have ten fingers and ten toes, two eyes, a nose, a mouth and – probably –  a brain. I know for certain, because I can feel these parts of me, with the exception of my brain (but if I’m thinking about all this then I’m fairly sure have a brain). I have beaten the darkness in this way, and that is a good thing. It feels good to beat the darkness.
I close my eyes. It doesn’t look anything different but by now I know how to tell when my eyes are open and when they are not. It feels different. Also, I can just poke my eye. If it’s shut, it’s shut. If it isn’t, then I either wince or I end up in a lot of pain. Hopefully the first one.
Anyway, I shut my eyes. The darkness stays behind my eyelids for a while before retreating, and when it does I see metal framework stretching above and around me. Today I’m with Lise.
I live the lives of three different people, you see. The first person Madeleine, and she lives in Aberdeen. The second is Nicholas, and he lives in Tokyo. The third person is Lise, and she lives in a space station.
A space station? you ask, Why is a girl living on a space station?
Now, that is one question I would really like to know the answer to, but I honestly have no idea. I experience what Lise does and nothing more, except when she’s tired and I can make her do things. She never says or writes anything down, not like in the films Maddie watches where all the actors say their thoughts out loud. Lise just thinks them. Also, people don’t talk to themselves. Talking to yourself is the first since of madness, my dad would say. Or rather, one of my dads. You’ll have to excuse me when I refer to other people in familiar ways like that, since they’re not actually any relation of mine. It all becomes a bit confusing after a while. Especially since I haven’t actually met any of these people in real, proper life.
Whilst I’m contemplating this, an alarm goes off in the space station. Lise gets up from her foamy mattress and pokes around for a while, being careful not to trip over any of the bits and bobs on the floor (it’s not just a part of the station, it’s also all her stuff; Lise is not a tidy person).
Lise goes into the kitchen and discovers it’s the washing machine. A red light is flashing insistently out at her from the display screen. She presses the alarm button and the noise stops. Everything is quiet once again.
If I were Lise – which I sort of am, but I’d rather not get into all of that – I would now put the washing machine on its drying cycle. Lise doesn’t, though, and goes back to her bedroom.
I didn’t use to see Lise a lot. I’ve been seeing her a lot more frequently in recent times. I used to stay with Maddie for the majority of my time, but now it’s mostly just Nicholas and Lise. Things change. I don’t know why. They just do.
Lise is going to run out of air, soon. She’ll also run out of things like food and clean water, but her main problem is air. You can survive without food for days, but only a short handful of minutes without air. Are you seeing the problem? Yes, I think you are.

 

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2 thoughts on “Passing Time in a Dark Place [writing]

  1. Hi!

    First of all, thanks for following me!

    I really love this idea, although I only know the gist of it, and would love to learn more through more posts!

    I have a couple pointers for this piece – I hope you don’t mind! At the beginning you say ‘here is one of the things that I know’ – it would be great for the flow if you began the next paragraph following on from this e.g. ‘the other thing I know…’. Also, I think the character would know if their eyes are shut because they would then become the other people, which makes the point about poking themselves in the eye unnecessary (although very amusing!).

    Of course, what matters most is your own opinion. I hope you don’t mind my feedback! As I said, I’d love to learn more about this concept.

    Best wishes always,
    Abigail

  2. You’re welcome!
    And yes, thank you very much for those pointers! I should probably think about what I’m writing a bit more…
    (now is when I go and edit all of these things in)

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